Peanut Butter, Jelly and Tuna Fish

For the first time we were on our own for a meal. We’ve had enough beef and pasta and soup every day for lunch so when we heard Bacha couldn’t be here for lunch today, instead of Zhana coming, we said we would be fine on our own. We have a lot of our own food that we really haven’t dipped into much, so we pulled out some tuna fish, peanut butter (they have plenty of jam) and mac and cheese. I love tuna fish, but this was one of the best tuna sandwiches I’ve ever had. On a fresh baguette and with a slice of tomato, Yum. Lynne had Mac and Cheese and a PB&J sandwich, and Jaden had a Tuna sandwich and Mac and Cheese. It was a little slice of Americana for us…

If a country (or town) doesn’t care about litter, is it litter to throw trash on the ground? That’s the question Jaden posed to Lynne today as we walked around town. There is trash everywhere, and it’s obvious that throwing trash on the ground is accepted behavior. So is it ok for us to throw trash too? Lynne tells Jaden not to, we don’t need to contribute. Of course, it won’t make a difference, but it’s a good lesson anyway.

So, we’ve been seeing Tuma every day now, for about 2 hours per day in the afternoon. These are “unofficial” bonding visits, so we just kind of show up and wait for them to tell us what to do. The main “visiting room” is called the music room (because they have a piano and boom box in the room). This is the worst room for our visits. Tuma just doesn’t like it in there, it's very sterile, no toys and it must have some kind of reputation among the kids that they learn. To make matters worse, its kind of a main thoroughfare for the caregivers, so when we’re hanging out with Tuma, and we get him to relax and stop crying, as soon as he sees a caregiver going through the room to get to the other side (there’s a door on both sides of the room) he starts crying again. They are his “mommas”, and he doesn’t understand why they won’t take him with them. This goes on the whole stay when we’re in the music room.

The other rooms we visit are playrooms, and there are always other kids running around those rooms. They create some distraction, but mostly those kids want to play with Jaden and I while Lynne walks and cuddles Tuma trying to get him to calm down. He really just wants to be with his “Momma” and it’s not Lynne…. yet. The frustrating thing for me in the playrooms is that just about every kid wants to play with me, to have me swing them in the air, to bring me toys and have me throw them so they can bring them back, to sit on my lap, and they love having Jaden chase them around the room and be crazy with them. Almost all the kids, that is, except Tuma. Maybe it’s because he’s one of the youngest and smallest boys and he doesn’t have his place with this group yet? Maybe its because he’s being told we are taking him away? But it’s hard to be playing with all of these cute kids and them wanting all the attention I can give them when the boy who is going to be my son doesn’t want anything to do with us… yet.

Today’s session with Tuma was one of the better ones we’ve had, even though we were in the music room. He cried for a few minutes, but Lynne was able to calm him down pretty easily (yesterday he fell asleep in her arms). The only time we lost him was when the caregivers came through. This is really a lousy set up, they need another way to get from one side of the orphanage to the other. There is a downstairs route, but they don’t bother taking it just to make it easier on the kids or parents of course. So after the last disruption, out of no where they bring another boy in with a ball and leave him in the music room to play with us. I recognize this boy as Sascha, he’s probably about 4 years old, and a happy and mellow kid. He comes right over and gives Tuma the ball, how sweet. He smiles at all of us. We brought some cookies to give to Tuma, but he won’t take them from us, so I gave one to Sascha. Sascha just hangs out and plays by himself with some of the toys we brought for the next hour or so. There is no interaction between the two boys.

But Tuma is pretty calm now. Lynne gets him engaged in a game of spilling colored pens out of their box and putting them back. He does this for about a half hour and even stays focused with us when the caregivers go through the room. Definite improvement.

Whenever I looked at Sascha, he was smiling and happy, just a great looking kid. I have to admit that I can’t stop thinking – why isn’t he available for adoption? We really wanted an older boy, closer to Jaden’s age, and this boy seemed so happy and smart, he was talking, and putting blocks together, and he even looked like he could grow up to look like Jaden’s brother with light skin and brown eyes. Is that a terrible thought? It makes me feel guilty, but I can’t get it out of my head. It seems so unfair to Tuma. I know we will love Tuma with all our hearts, and that this current stage will pass, we’re just not there… yet.

There are so many questions at the orphanage and no one to provide answers. Why isn’t Sascha available for adoption? What about all the other kids that we are now getting to know? When we were “presented” with the available kids, we only saw the boys they chose to show us. Now we’re meeting all of the kids. In the 2-4 year age range, there are at least 15 boys and 10 girls, and for the most part they seem happy, healthy and ready for new homes. The procedures and rules keep them here, and I’m sure there are good reasons for some of them. One boy, very engaging, I heard they didn’t have a valid copy of his birth certificate. So what does he have to do to get out of this place? Sometimes I feel selfish here. Selfish for myself and our family, we are trying the make the right decision for our family. But what about these kids? What about their future and what about their current life? I don’t think they have ever been off the grounds of the orphanage. Some of them might not be for years. But they don’t know any different, so they are happy with whatever life gives them, and we spend a lot of time and energy pondering the what if’s… Life for Tuma is about to get a whole lot better, he just doesn’t know it… yet.

Peace,

Out,

Bruce