Lynne arrived home last night at 7:30pm. She had been traveling for 2.5 days and had about 5 hours of sleep during the trip. I know what it’s like to arrive at DIA after 2 months and just be stunned that finally, you’re back in Colorado - so far from Arkalyk, truly the other side of the world. And so far from our boy, Milan. This is incredible, the whole game plan from the start was to make it one trip, 2-3 months in Kazakhstan, and we would come home with little brother. Many families go to Kaz, and after about 2 weeks, they have their court date and they head back home. Four weeks or so later they return to reunite with their child and bring him home. We purposely decided not to do that, and especially after meeting Milan and the stress he had dealing with us the first 3 weeks, we realized how important the continuity would be. So this most recent change of plans was really a hard one. But Milan is in a great place, he is being well cared for by Habiba and Bacha, and other family members. When I called Habiba a few nights ago, she said he was great, the only adjective she really emphasized was that he is a very “active boy”. That is so different than what we saw when he was in the orphanage, but definitely what Lynne saw as soon as he was out. We are confident that when we get him home he will adapt pretty quickly.
I have to share on Mother’s Day how strongly I feel about Lynne and how much respect I have for her as the mother of my children. The job of parent is probably the hardest job in the world (well except maybe for the job of husband). Lynne does a remarkable job. She has taught me so much about parenting, and these last two months with the three of us living together 24/7 in close quarters with nothing to do and no where to go has certainly given me a new perspective on what I need to do to be a successful parent. Jaden was unbelievable for the whole trip, especially when he had to be, such as our daily trips to the orphanage. He was able to entertain himself there most days for most of the time. But those of you who know Jaden know that he never stops talking, always asking questions, always wanting to know exactly what’s going on, always wanting “just one more minute”, “just 2 more pages”, “let me stay up 5 minutes more”, “let me sleep 10 minutes more”, everything is a negotiation, and he doesn’t always negotiate fairly. When you think you have a deal, the rules change. Typical 6 year old stuff. This is where the real need for patience comes. More than anyone in my life, Jaden has taught me to be patient, but he was pushing it at times during the trip. Lynne was there to really put the perspective on it and to help me avoid over reacting and to see how a calm approach will always win. Lynne is stricter with Jaden than I am, but she has just the right touch going so that she can be strict and never push him over the line. It’s amazing really, the way she is with Jaden and the great relationship they have. Lynne determined we were going to practice attachment parenting before I knew anything about it. She was my teacher to understand the basic tenets about putting your kids first, always paying attention to their needs and responding to those needs, and building such a strong attachment that they will be confident going further and further out on their own when the time is right.
Seeing Lynne with our new son is more of the same. She learned enough Russian so she can truly communicate with him. She made sure we read books about attachment in adoption which has helped us in a few basic ways already. Watching Lynne first give Milan a bottle, and then two days later to see him looking for the bottle and wanting to sit in her lap so she could feed him the bottle – it was like magic was happening. This boy who cried every time he saw us for almost three weeks was all of a sudden letting us into his world, and Lynne was starting the attachment process. The books say attachment at this stage should take about 6 months. We’ll see, but I don’t think its going to take that long with Milan. The way she spoke with him, interacted with him, played with him, you could see the mutual love beginning.
Lynne – you have taught me so much, I am a better parent because of you. I can’t wait to have 2 boys for us to play with, laugh with, love with, live with.
Happy Mother’s Day!
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